Playing the Waiting Game

We're going on 6 months of fighting with our previous insurance to pay our fertility clinic so we can get back to cycling. My goal was to be able to start our ERA cycle in January or February and that hasn't due to them fighting our claim even though it definitely should be covered. It is extremely frustrating. 

A friend from school announced her wife's pregnancy and I was completely blindsided. I was hurt she didn't tell me when they found out; especially since we have bonded over the fertility process. It made me feel forgotten by some of my friends from school who I haven't heard from at all. All of this was amplified by the fact that tomorrow is my estimated due date from my second miscarriage last year. I am so excited for them. I know how hard they have worked for this. How much they have wanted it. But I also got sucked into the "why not me" darkness that usually comes with especially hard announcements. 

My therapist asked if I was scared to start cycling again and I told her no. The truth is, I'm not scared to start cycling again, whenever that happens, but I am terrified of being pregnant again. I want to get through our ERA cycle and hopefully figure out we've been transferring our embryos on the wrong day so I feel like we have a better chance at success. I know if we get results saying we have been transferring on the right day then I will be scared to cycle because then what could possible be the issue? I am trying not to stress about it but the longer it takes to start cycling the easier it is for my mind to wonder to this unpleasant topic. At least with cycling I have something to keep my mind busy. Hopefully insurance gets off their ass soon and gets our claim paid.