Our New Plan

Well today we met with our doctor and talked about the fact that my testosterone didn't come down to where it really needed to be. My doctor said we had two options. Our first option was to take another month off and continue the Spironolact to bring my testosterone levels even more. Our second option was to start Clomid and Dexamethasone. I didn't even think about it. I knew if I chose to keep taking Spironolact and take another month off from TTC I would burst into tears in the doctors office. I know he has probably seem this a million times over but I just couldn't do it. Part of it was that I wasn't willing to take another month off. Dexamethasone is a corticosteriod and should help with my testosterone levels some. This fact and the fact that my testosterone serum came down significantly helped me make my decision.

So our new plan is that today I started taking my Provera. I take Provera once a day for five days and within a week my period should start. On CD 3 (3rd day of my period) I start taking both the Clomid and the dexamethasone. Clomid is supposed to help my body ovulate. The Dexamethasone will combat the elevated testosterone and help the Clomid work. The problem with having elevated testosterone is it works against the Clomid which can cause it to not work. If this plan doesn't work my doctor says we only have 2 options - injectables or another break cycle back on Spironolact. I told him I wanted to go ahead and try a medicated cycle and if if didn't work I would go back on the Spironolact.

Just admitting this last part made me tear up in the exam room. I almost lost it which is a first for me especially at the doctors office. I have teared up before but this time I really thought I was going to lose it and just burst into tears. I kept it together until my doctor left. Then I started crying. We walked out of the exam room and and my doctor and two nurses are standing there. I felt really silly crying but I was genuinely upset about the fact that my testosterone didn't normalize completely. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but it still wasn't easy to here. I am really hoping this works although I am trying not to get my hopes up too high. That way if it doesn't work I am not left crashing down...which will still probably happen even if I try to stay level and rational about it.

Devastated

I decided to take a week to process the news we got about my labs on Thursday the 12 of September. If you've been keeping up with us you know I've been taking Spironolact to lower my testosterone levels; elevated levels are a symptom of pcos. Testosterone labs take about 2 - 3 days to come back. Since my appointment was on a Thursday we didn't actually get my results until the 16th.

The nurse called from my doctor's office and told me my testosterone levels did no come down to where they needed to be. I was devastated. There really is no other way to put it. I was sincerely devastated. I truly believed they were going to come down. My doctor had said most women have success with their levels coming down in one month. Obviously I am not one of those women. I just didn't know what to think. I got my hopes up so high about my results. I thought to myself my doctor said most women's levels come down. I don't have a lot of symptoms from pcos and elevated testosterone. All of these things pushed my hopes a little higher.

 I recently got a job. I've been unemployed since we relocated. I was so excited about it. I had actually started training on the 16th when I got my results. When I got the results I was sitting in John's office at work. I had gone to see him after my first day to tell him how it went. He had just left the office to check on something when my phone rang and I got the news. John came back and I didn't tell him. I was in shock and pissed and an emotional wreck. I just didn't know what to say or think. He was having kind of a rough day and I didn't want to add to it.

We finally came home and I kind of snapped at him because I had just gotten so angry over my results. So I laid in bed and was going to take a small nap just to have time to myself. John hadn't asked if I got my results and because I was already mad that made me even more mad. So I text him...yes I text my  husband who was one room away and said "You didn't ask about my labs." Being the amazing man that he is he immediately came to our room and said "You looked upset and I decided I was going to ask later to let you calm down." That made me feel really bad because it just kind of rubbed in that I had taken my anger out on him. I told him about it and it just washed over me like you wouldn't believe. I had already been crying but I started crying even harder when I told John. Partly because I was upset and mad but also because I knew John would be disappointed and that made me feel even worse - even though it wasn't disappointment in me but merely the results.

He is always amazing when I have a melt down about our IF trials. He snuggled up to me and just held me close and let me cry. After a little bit he said that everything was going to be okay and that we had to start somewhere. Sometimes his ability to stay positive through this amazes me. We've been actively trying to have a family for almost 2 years now. After so long it is very hard to be positive. Now we are waiting for our appointment on Monday, September 23rd. This appointment is so that we can talk with our doctor and see what our next step is. Are we going to take another month to lower the elevated levels or are we going to start IF meds.

I guess we will see.